Saturday 28 November 2015
Hosting god family!
20. Hosting god family! Last night we hosted our Godson and his family, for curry and a movie. It was wonderful, feeling just like family, as we crowded in front of a Christmas movie and chatted away, while Mr. tried to avoid making the Godson cry with his (apparently) horrifying face...!
Monday 12 October 2015
Neighbourly
19. Practicing community
We have had good opportunities recently to practice being good neighbors. A new family moved in downstairs, so we baked them brownies (admittedly from a box because we were so busy) a couple days after they arrived and took them down. We were in a rush, the story of that week, so were sad to have to turn down their beautiful, immediate invitation to come in and get to know them. That weekend we went back to take up their invitation, but they were out. This weekend we went back again, armed with cinnamon oatmeal cookies (homemade this time!) and two mugs for tea. We were so glad we'd made the time because we enjoyed getting to know them a little and feeling more like part of a community - neighbors rather than strangers living next-door. We wished we'd been better neighbors to the couple last year, so we are taking the chance to do it right this time.
On Friday night, I stayed at a new theological college couple's home just a few minutes down the road, while they went to the welcome evening. It was so beneficial to all of us. Their child was asleep the whole time, so I just got to sit and call my brother, drink tea, eat chocolate, read a couple fun articles and do some journalling in the quiet of the living room (how nice is that?) while they got to dress up and have three hours away from home. I would like to do that again for them, especially as they are about to have another baby. It was a real win-win, especially as they live so close that it was easy to get there and back.
My schedule was rearranged today when my mother-in-law asked me to let a new tenant into her flat down the road. She was American and brand new to the UK, so I invited her for tea and scones of course, and sent her off with a box of basic kitchen stuff until hers arrives or she can buy some herself. She didn't have a bed yet, so we swapped numbers and I told her she could borrow our air mattress if she didn't manage one today. Well, come evening, she hadn't managed to get a bed, and she couldn't figure out the heating, so we bundled up the mattress, duvet, sheets and pillows and found the secret switch for the heating. I felt love for David as we helped out in a small way, and remembered with gratitude how a friend in the Gambia had helped us in "small ways" that were so huge at the time, when we first arrived.
When I was leaving our friend's going-back-to-America party this weekend, I saw one of our old friends a short walk from the club, and stopped for a while to chat. I hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd never seen me in make-up, and we both just enjoyed a short talk to catch up. I was later coming home to David than I'd said, but he didn't seem to mind. He waited up for me with a cup of tea and he reminds me frequently that he admires me when I love people well. (An affirmation that touches me deeply and that I share for him as well.)
Last night, I volunteered at a Mum's Night Out event while David had a pizza and movie night with one of our friend's kids so that she could come and have some time out. We went to bed quite late (after midnight) so we are tired this morning but I am thankful for that opportunity.
We often struggle to be good neighbors, to people close and far, friends and strangers, because we are so busy or tired - sometimes genuine requirement for rest, and sometimes sorry excuse for selfishness. We want to do better. We want to love as we have been loved; to share our space and our time and ourselves so that others are made to feel welcomed in. We don't want to live in a box, although it's comfortable in some ways. We have kept our home to ourselves a lot, and while sometimes it's good to be sensible and rest, I think more often it's more sensible to trust God for what we need, including strength and energy. And every time we welcome someone in, almost especially when we are tired and at the end of our rope (remember the visitor from China and our friend who wanted to know more about Jesus but was afraid?), we are greatly rewarded in the peace of doing what is good rather than what feels good in the short-term. I pray over our marriage and our house for more opportunities to practice what we have been taught - to welcome the stranger, to love the lonely, to feed the hungry, and give rest to the weary. I pray we can be family to those without. To be good neighbors and to learn more about what that means. I pray this does not stop with our marriage but defines our family as that grows. This is a big prayer, but I know I will not regret it, because we are loved by a big God who equips us with everything we need to do His will. Bring on the neighbors, Lord, we want in this household to be neighborly.
We have had good opportunities recently to practice being good neighbors. A new family moved in downstairs, so we baked them brownies (admittedly from a box because we were so busy) a couple days after they arrived and took them down. We were in a rush, the story of that week, so were sad to have to turn down their beautiful, immediate invitation to come in and get to know them. That weekend we went back to take up their invitation, but they were out. This weekend we went back again, armed with cinnamon oatmeal cookies (homemade this time!) and two mugs for tea. We were so glad we'd made the time because we enjoyed getting to know them a little and feeling more like part of a community - neighbors rather than strangers living next-door. We wished we'd been better neighbors to the couple last year, so we are taking the chance to do it right this time.
On Friday night, I stayed at a new theological college couple's home just a few minutes down the road, while they went to the welcome evening. It was so beneficial to all of us. Their child was asleep the whole time, so I just got to sit and call my brother, drink tea, eat chocolate, read a couple fun articles and do some journalling in the quiet of the living room (how nice is that?) while they got to dress up and have three hours away from home. I would like to do that again for them, especially as they are about to have another baby. It was a real win-win, especially as they live so close that it was easy to get there and back.
My schedule was rearranged today when my mother-in-law asked me to let a new tenant into her flat down the road. She was American and brand new to the UK, so I invited her for tea and scones of course, and sent her off with a box of basic kitchen stuff until hers arrives or she can buy some herself. She didn't have a bed yet, so we swapped numbers and I told her she could borrow our air mattress if she didn't manage one today. Well, come evening, she hadn't managed to get a bed, and she couldn't figure out the heating, so we bundled up the mattress, duvet, sheets and pillows and found the secret switch for the heating. I felt love for David as we helped out in a small way, and remembered with gratitude how a friend in the Gambia had helped us in "small ways" that were so huge at the time, when we first arrived.
When I was leaving our friend's going-back-to-America party this weekend, I saw one of our old friends a short walk from the club, and stopped for a while to chat. I hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd never seen me in make-up, and we both just enjoyed a short talk to catch up. I was later coming home to David than I'd said, but he didn't seem to mind. He waited up for me with a cup of tea and he reminds me frequently that he admires me when I love people well. (An affirmation that touches me deeply and that I share for him as well.)
Last night, I volunteered at a Mum's Night Out event while David had a pizza and movie night with one of our friend's kids so that she could come and have some time out. We went to bed quite late (after midnight) so we are tired this morning but I am thankful for that opportunity.
We often struggle to be good neighbors, to people close and far, friends and strangers, because we are so busy or tired - sometimes genuine requirement for rest, and sometimes sorry excuse for selfishness. We want to do better. We want to love as we have been loved; to share our space and our time and ourselves so that others are made to feel welcomed in. We don't want to live in a box, although it's comfortable in some ways. We have kept our home to ourselves a lot, and while sometimes it's good to be sensible and rest, I think more often it's more sensible to trust God for what we need, including strength and energy. And every time we welcome someone in, almost especially when we are tired and at the end of our rope (remember the visitor from China and our friend who wanted to know more about Jesus but was afraid?), we are greatly rewarded in the peace of doing what is good rather than what feels good in the short-term. I pray over our marriage and our house for more opportunities to practice what we have been taught - to welcome the stranger, to love the lonely, to feed the hungry, and give rest to the weary. I pray we can be family to those without. To be good neighbors and to learn more about what that means. I pray this does not stop with our marriage but defines our family as that grows. This is a big prayer, but I know I will not regret it, because we are loved by a big God who equips us with everything we need to do His will. Bring on the neighbors, Lord, we want in this household to be neighborly.
More on Weddings
18. My favourite +1
In the last three months, we have been to three weddings. The first was for David's Dad; the second for his best friend; and the third for a couple we met at university and encouraged during their engagement. All three were really special, for different reasons. It was bittersweet for the family seeing their Dad get married again; on the one hand it was a very real reminder that their Mom had passed away and was no longer there, and on the other, it was a beautiful moment to witness the gift that each A & M were to each other and how much joy they had in meeting. The boys did an outrageous speech that shall be etched into memory permanently (there's no going back!!), everyone seemed to have a great time with the dancing and catching up, and we enjoyed both spending time together in Inverness on the way up, and helping out on at the venue the day before. The second wedding was special because David saw his best friend entering the same context in which he has (hopefully!) found so much joy. He got to help by being an usher, and I boogied away on the dance floor with two girls I knew from uni and a couple of kids with serious dance moves. The third was special because we were honored by being asked to pray over their marriage during the ceremony. We were praying for them beforehand, but I really enjoyed sitting down and thinking about what specifically we wanted to ask God about for them, in a way that was also accessible to people who think talking to God is weird! We had a great time on the dance floor there, too, especially enjoying a slow dance to "You got a friend in me," which I think describes well where we are in marriage at the moment and how I pray we continue to grow.
I'll say it: I know some people find it stressful, but I love going to weddings. I love dancing, and celebrating joy and love, and talking to new people, and eating yummy cake! I find it a privilege to be invited and really look forward to the day. Interestingly, I had only been to two before our own - and the first I only have about three seconds of memory from as I was about 5 years old, and the second was for one of his cousins - so I've not really experienced wedding attendance without him. We've been each other's steady +1, and I think that's another reason I value weddings - each ceremony is a chance to get dressed up together, to go to church and worship God, to celebrate love and the concept of marriage together, and to be reminded what it's really about. To be encouraged to pray through the difficult times, and to rely on God for everything we need. It's a chance to share a meal and practice welcoming others and relating to new people as a couple, and to dance. I do love to dance! We also get to witness a new marriage beginning, know what struggles and joys the couple may face. We commit to support them, and I do try to remember to pray for them and to check in. I hope for many more weddings with my favorite plus one, and many more chances to be reminded what this whole journey is about.
In the last three months, we have been to three weddings. The first was for David's Dad; the second for his best friend; and the third for a couple we met at university and encouraged during their engagement. All three were really special, for different reasons. It was bittersweet for the family seeing their Dad get married again; on the one hand it was a very real reminder that their Mom had passed away and was no longer there, and on the other, it was a beautiful moment to witness the gift that each A & M were to each other and how much joy they had in meeting. The boys did an outrageous speech that shall be etched into memory permanently (there's no going back!!), everyone seemed to have a great time with the dancing and catching up, and we enjoyed both spending time together in Inverness on the way up, and helping out on at the venue the day before. The second wedding was special because David saw his best friend entering the same context in which he has (hopefully!) found so much joy. He got to help by being an usher, and I boogied away on the dance floor with two girls I knew from uni and a couple of kids with serious dance moves. The third was special because we were honored by being asked to pray over their marriage during the ceremony. We were praying for them beforehand, but I really enjoyed sitting down and thinking about what specifically we wanted to ask God about for them, in a way that was also accessible to people who think talking to God is weird! We had a great time on the dance floor there, too, especially enjoying a slow dance to "You got a friend in me," which I think describes well where we are in marriage at the moment and how I pray we continue to grow.
I'll say it: I know some people find it stressful, but I love going to weddings. I love dancing, and celebrating joy and love, and talking to new people, and eating yummy cake! I find it a privilege to be invited and really look forward to the day. Interestingly, I had only been to two before our own - and the first I only have about three seconds of memory from as I was about 5 years old, and the second was for one of his cousins - so I've not really experienced wedding attendance without him. We've been each other's steady +1, and I think that's another reason I value weddings - each ceremony is a chance to get dressed up together, to go to church and worship God, to celebrate love and the concept of marriage together, and to be reminded what it's really about. To be encouraged to pray through the difficult times, and to rely on God for everything we need. It's a chance to share a meal and practice welcoming others and relating to new people as a couple, and to dance. I do love to dance! We also get to witness a new marriage beginning, know what struggles and joys the couple may face. We commit to support them, and I do try to remember to pray for them and to check in. I hope for many more weddings with my favorite plus one, and many more chances to be reminded what this whole journey is about.
Thursday 23 July 2015
Triple T (plus one)
17. Tackling Travel Trials Together
Recently, we travelled back from the Gambia to home, and had a sleepless overnight (11pm - 5am) flight on a budget airline, followed by a 5 hour layover, after which the flight was delayed a further 6 hours. We got home with 3 hours to eat and pack and get to sleep before midnight, as we had to wake up at 5 to catch a train at 6am, to travel 9 hours up to David's relatives for a very important wedding. Talk about tired travelers! But the amazing thing was, we tackled the traveling trials together. We kept each other positive, kept company, really took the time to catch up, and didn't let it get the best of us. Somehow, we chose to keep a positive outlook and make the best of things. Perhaps because recently things have been challenging and we've seen the outcome of letting ourselves succumb to stress (travel and otherwise). I'm not sure why the initial reaction was to choose positivity, but it really snowballed and reinforced itself and we ended up having a really good time together - in fact, maybe the best-quality time we've had together in months. All because we chose to make the best of things and move forward with what we were dealt. We chose not to let the things we couldn't change dictate what we actually had power over. We teamed up and faced it together rather than stewing alone or lashing out. I'm taking this as a lesson for marriage in general, and as evidence that we can apply it. We can choose to be team-mates, to tackle trials together, and to choose a positive outlook in the face of things beyond our control. Marriage is not something easy and neither is life, and neither are sleepless and delayed and back to back international journeys, but that doesn't get to decide how we react and what the quality of our relationship is day by day. We get to choose that. And although of course we will struggle and fall during a hopefully very long journey, I am very happy that we've shown ourselves one example of choosing to enjoy our marriage despite sleeplessness and change. I love being married to someone who chooses that with me, in this always-changing world and as human as I am.
Recently, we travelled back from the Gambia to home, and had a sleepless overnight (11pm - 5am) flight on a budget airline, followed by a 5 hour layover, after which the flight was delayed a further 6 hours. We got home with 3 hours to eat and pack and get to sleep before midnight, as we had to wake up at 5 to catch a train at 6am, to travel 9 hours up to David's relatives for a very important wedding. Talk about tired travelers! But the amazing thing was, we tackled the traveling trials together. We kept each other positive, kept company, really took the time to catch up, and didn't let it get the best of us. Somehow, we chose to keep a positive outlook and make the best of things. Perhaps because recently things have been challenging and we've seen the outcome of letting ourselves succumb to stress (travel and otherwise). I'm not sure why the initial reaction was to choose positivity, but it really snowballed and reinforced itself and we ended up having a really good time together - in fact, maybe the best-quality time we've had together in months. All because we chose to make the best of things and move forward with what we were dealt. We chose not to let the things we couldn't change dictate what we actually had power over. We teamed up and faced it together rather than stewing alone or lashing out. I'm taking this as a lesson for marriage in general, and as evidence that we can apply it. We can choose to be team-mates, to tackle trials together, and to choose a positive outlook in the face of things beyond our control. Marriage is not something easy and neither is life, and neither are sleepless and delayed and back to back international journeys, but that doesn't get to decide how we react and what the quality of our relationship is day by day. We get to choose that. And although of course we will struggle and fall during a hopefully very long journey, I am very happy that we've shown ourselves one example of choosing to enjoy our marriage despite sleeplessness and change. I love being married to someone who chooses that with me, in this always-changing world and as human as I am.
Wednesday 21 January 2015
Year One
16. Stuff I've learned
A. I am not as secure as I thought I was, but I am learning to become secure with David, and in turn this is affecting the ways I am able to relate to others in my life.
B. I don't fight fair. When I argue, I often revert to my insecure, scrappy-fighter self, where I use all my previously-necessary weapons to win the battle, while forgetting that marriage is not a war. David is my team-mate, and we are on the same side. I am still learning to drop my weapons and just say what I need to say. David is quick to forgive and quick to apologize. I am still learning to do the same, but I have an amazing example, and no matter how angry I am, it's always a huge relief to be reconciled.
C. Marriage doesn't have to become a routine. We enjoy making al-presto dates for each other by putting out a candle, writing a quick message, or making themed food; by dressing up to go for coffee at the college cafe; by asking the other one if they'd like to do a planned activity - even a walk. We welcome people into our home, and enjoy being welcomed into others' homes. We go to church together and separately. I am always welcomed home after an absence, no matter how short, and this makes me feel very loved indeed.
D. Praying together is really good. We started saying the Our Father every night before we fall asleep, and I like it. I don't know if there's a tangible difference, but I know it's something good.
E. Making time to be alone together is really important. Early on this year we were socializing or busy 5-6 nights a week, leaving very little time to talk and relax and be on own own. Then we would get stressed out and exhausted because we missed seeing each other, even though it was fun to be doing things with other people, and then we couldn't even properly enjoy the time we did have. Now we make time together a planned thing - like, don't plan anything this Saturday night, let's go to dinner or watch TV at home, or play a board game, just us. And we accept invitations for 1-3 things a week, not 6! Not because we don't like other people or are hermits, but because marriage doesn't make us superhuman and we need both time apart and time together resting to fully serve and enjoy other people.
F. Marriage is a valid reason not to work evenings and weekends. Yes, I said it. I have found that it's necessary and valuable to make time for marriage and other commitments by stopping PhD work at 5pm and taking off weekends. Not everyone will agree with me here, but this is my way of managing stress and having enough energy to address relationships in my life that matter to me more than a degree ever will.
G. This year hasn't been easy. In fact, marriage has made it harder by virtue of being a major transition. But we have made it. David has been my strong supporter - he's encouraged me to go to counseling, to the doctor, to see friends, to take breaks. He has truly been my champion, my helper, my biggest fan, my most consistent buddy. This year has been hard, but we have made it through, and hopefully, I will come out stronger and healthier and able to take my turn being the strong supporter whenever David needs it. Marriage is team work, taking on life in a world where someone having your back makes a big difference. Year 2, here we come.
A. I am not as secure as I thought I was, but I am learning to become secure with David, and in turn this is affecting the ways I am able to relate to others in my life.
B. I don't fight fair. When I argue, I often revert to my insecure, scrappy-fighter self, where I use all my previously-necessary weapons to win the battle, while forgetting that marriage is not a war. David is my team-mate, and we are on the same side. I am still learning to drop my weapons and just say what I need to say. David is quick to forgive and quick to apologize. I am still learning to do the same, but I have an amazing example, and no matter how angry I am, it's always a huge relief to be reconciled.
C. Marriage doesn't have to become a routine. We enjoy making al-presto dates for each other by putting out a candle, writing a quick message, or making themed food; by dressing up to go for coffee at the college cafe; by asking the other one if they'd like to do a planned activity - even a walk. We welcome people into our home, and enjoy being welcomed into others' homes. We go to church together and separately. I am always welcomed home after an absence, no matter how short, and this makes me feel very loved indeed.
D. Praying together is really good. We started saying the Our Father every night before we fall asleep, and I like it. I don't know if there's a tangible difference, but I know it's something good.
E. Making time to be alone together is really important. Early on this year we were socializing or busy 5-6 nights a week, leaving very little time to talk and relax and be on own own. Then we would get stressed out and exhausted because we missed seeing each other, even though it was fun to be doing things with other people, and then we couldn't even properly enjoy the time we did have. Now we make time together a planned thing - like, don't plan anything this Saturday night, let's go to dinner or watch TV at home, or play a board game, just us. And we accept invitations for 1-3 things a week, not 6! Not because we don't like other people or are hermits, but because marriage doesn't make us superhuman and we need both time apart and time together resting to fully serve and enjoy other people.
F. Marriage is a valid reason not to work evenings and weekends. Yes, I said it. I have found that it's necessary and valuable to make time for marriage and other commitments by stopping PhD work at 5pm and taking off weekends. Not everyone will agree with me here, but this is my way of managing stress and having enough energy to address relationships in my life that matter to me more than a degree ever will.
G. This year hasn't been easy. In fact, marriage has made it harder by virtue of being a major transition. But we have made it. David has been my strong supporter - he's encouraged me to go to counseling, to the doctor, to see friends, to take breaks. He has truly been my champion, my helper, my biggest fan, my most consistent buddy. This year has been hard, but we have made it through, and hopefully, I will come out stronger and healthier and able to take my turn being the strong supporter whenever David needs it. Marriage is team work, taking on life in a world where someone having your back makes a big difference. Year 2, here we come.
Anniversary Fun
15. Celebrating love is celebrated
I love my David. I have loved him since very shortly after meeting him 4 years ago. And after he'd asked me out, and especially after we started out as a couple, I wasn't really shy about saying it and celebrating it! Sometimes people would comment "Ew!" or feign nausea when I said something I liked about him, which by the way is ridiculous!, and while I didn't stop doing it, I did wish people would be more positive. Now that we're married, and have been married for a year (a year!!) people seem to respect our relationship above and beyond what I would have expected, even those people who were not on board with us getting married in the first place. People celebrate us as we celebrate our love, and encourage us, and tell us that our relationship has impacted them. I suppose they have had a little bit of time to observe us and notice the … authenticity, perhaps? The good fit?
We celebrated our first anniversary a couple of weeks ago, in typical D&C fashion, and in the same way we celebrated our honeymoon - with a virus and soup and watching movies! We did also manage to get out of the house for a short walk, and catch the last 15 minutes of sunlight to take a photo of ourselves holding a wedding photo. We hope to do this every year and watch ourselves age and change and grow. I love being married because there's always room for a celebration - from turning in an assignment (bring out the wine and chocolate!) to starting another year together. I look forward to each celebration we are lucky enough to have together, big and small.
When we shared the photo online, people were extremely positive and commented encouragement and enjoyment - much more so than when we announced our engagement, or posted images from our wedding day. I wish we had been totally overwhelmed with {YES GO FOR IT} from May 2013 (we did have a small minority of very strong supporters and I am so grateful for those voices of confidence and truth), but it is as I predicted - people are coming around very positively with time, as they see for themselves that this idea of marriage was a good one, regardless of our youthful numbers and others' fears of time and promises. Here's to many more celebrations of years gone by together. :)
I love my David. I have loved him since very shortly after meeting him 4 years ago. And after he'd asked me out, and especially after we started out as a couple, I wasn't really shy about saying it and celebrating it! Sometimes people would comment "Ew!" or feign nausea when I said something I liked about him, which by the way is ridiculous!, and while I didn't stop doing it, I did wish people would be more positive. Now that we're married, and have been married for a year (a year!!) people seem to respect our relationship above and beyond what I would have expected, even those people who were not on board with us getting married in the first place. People celebrate us as we celebrate our love, and encourage us, and tell us that our relationship has impacted them. I suppose they have had a little bit of time to observe us and notice the … authenticity, perhaps? The good fit?
We celebrated our first anniversary a couple of weeks ago, in typical D&C fashion, and in the same way we celebrated our honeymoon - with a virus and soup and watching movies! We did also manage to get out of the house for a short walk, and catch the last 15 minutes of sunlight to take a photo of ourselves holding a wedding photo. We hope to do this every year and watch ourselves age and change and grow. I love being married because there's always room for a celebration - from turning in an assignment (bring out the wine and chocolate!) to starting another year together. I look forward to each celebration we are lucky enough to have together, big and small.
When we shared the photo online, people were extremely positive and commented encouragement and enjoyment - much more so than when we announced our engagement, or posted images from our wedding day. I wish we had been totally overwhelmed with {YES GO FOR IT} from May 2013 (we did have a small minority of very strong supporters and I am so grateful for those voices of confidence and truth), but it is as I predicted - people are coming around very positively with time, as they see for themselves that this idea of marriage was a good one, regardless of our youthful numbers and others' fears of time and promises. Here's to many more celebrations of years gone by together. :)
HIP HOP (and other adventures)
14. I married my hobby-buddy
Yes. Hip hop! This last weekend, we went to a beginner's street (hip hop) dance class together. Together?? As in he went too? Yes. :) I went because he'd found the class and told me about it, and I love hip hop music and I love dance, so I was excited to go, but I didn't realize he was coming with me until that morning. What an amazing husband. I had the time of my life and he found it less bad than he'd thought and much better than other types of dancing we've tried before. So back again we go this week!
We have looked up some other adventures to try out as well, for getting healthy and out there, and for taking advantage of the incredible access we have to new activities while affiliated with a University. Archery, shooting, horseback riding, sailing, basketball, volleyball, and first aid are all on the list, and we shall see what we end up doing. I like being married to David because he's a great buddy - he encourages me to get out of the house when I'm low and gets us to try new things. A hobby-buddy. That's who I married. And a great one at that!
Yes. Hip hop! This last weekend, we went to a beginner's street (hip hop) dance class together. Together?? As in he went too? Yes. :) I went because he'd found the class and told me about it, and I love hip hop music and I love dance, so I was excited to go, but I didn't realize he was coming with me until that morning. What an amazing husband. I had the time of my life and he found it less bad than he'd thought and much better than other types of dancing we've tried before. So back again we go this week!
We have looked up some other adventures to try out as well, for getting healthy and out there, and for taking advantage of the incredible access we have to new activities while affiliated with a University. Archery, shooting, horseback riding, sailing, basketball, volleyball, and first aid are all on the list, and we shall see what we end up doing. I like being married to David because he's a great buddy - he encourages me to get out of the house when I'm low and gets us to try new things. A hobby-buddy. That's who I married. And a great one at that!
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