Neighbourly

19. Practicing community

We have had good opportunities recently to practice being good neighbors. A new family moved in downstairs, so we baked them brownies (admittedly from a box because we were so busy) a couple days after they arrived and took them down. We were in a rush, the story of that week, so were sad to have to turn down their beautiful, immediate invitation to come in and get to know them. That weekend we went back to take up their invitation, but they were out. This weekend we went back again, armed with cinnamon oatmeal cookies (homemade this time!) and two mugs for tea. We were so glad we'd made the time because we enjoyed getting to know them a little and feeling more like part of a community - neighbors rather than strangers living next-door. We wished we'd been better neighbors to the couple last year, so we are taking the chance to do it right this time.

On Friday night, I stayed at a new theological college couple's home just a few minutes down the road, while they went to the welcome evening. It was so beneficial to all of us. Their child was asleep the whole time, so I just got to sit and call my brother, drink tea, eat chocolate, read a couple fun articles and do some journalling in the quiet of the living room (how nice is that?) while they got to dress up and have three hours away from home. I would like to do that again for them, especially as they are about to have another baby. It was a real win-win, especially as they live so close that it was easy to get there and back.

My schedule was rearranged today when my mother-in-law asked me to let a new tenant into her flat down the road. She was American and brand new to the UK, so I invited her for tea and scones of course, and sent her off with a box of basic kitchen stuff until hers arrives or she can buy some herself. She didn't have a bed yet, so we swapped numbers and I told her she could borrow our air mattress if she didn't manage one today. Well, come evening, she hadn't managed to get a bed, and she couldn't figure out the heating, so we bundled up the mattress, duvet, sheets and pillows and found the secret switch for the heating. I felt love for David as we helped out in a small way, and remembered with gratitude how a friend in the Gambia had helped us in "small ways" that were so huge at the time, when we first arrived.

When I was leaving our friend's going-back-to-America party this weekend, I saw one of our old friends a short walk from the club, and stopped for a while to chat. I hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd never seen me in make-up, and we both just enjoyed a short talk to catch up. I was later coming home to David than I'd said, but he didn't seem to mind. He waited up for me with a cup of tea and he reminds me frequently that he admires me when I love people well. (An affirmation that touches me deeply and that I share for him as well.)

Last night, I volunteered at a Mum's Night Out event while David had a pizza and movie night with one of our friend's kids so that she could come and have some time out. We went to bed quite late (after midnight) so we are tired this morning but I am thankful for that opportunity.

We often struggle to be good neighbors, to people close and far, friends and strangers, because we are so busy or tired - sometimes genuine requirement for rest, and sometimes sorry excuse for selfishness. We want to do better. We want to love as we have been loved; to share our space and our time and ourselves so that others are made to feel welcomed in. We don't want to live in a box, although it's comfortable in some ways. We have kept our home to ourselves a lot, and while sometimes it's good to be sensible and rest, I think more often it's more sensible to trust God for what we need, including strength and energy. And every time we welcome someone in, almost especially when we are tired and at the end of our rope (remember the visitor from China and our friend who wanted to know more about Jesus but was afraid?), we are greatly rewarded in the peace of doing what is good rather than what feels good in the short-term. I pray over our marriage and our house for more opportunities to practice what we have been taught - to welcome the stranger, to love the lonely, to feed the hungry, and give rest to the weary. I pray we can be family to those without. To be good neighbors and to learn more about what that means. I pray this does not stop with our marriage but defines our family as that grows. This is a big prayer, but I know I will not regret it, because we are loved by a big God who equips us with everything we need to do His will. Bring on the neighbors, Lord, we want in this household to be neighborly.

More on Weddings

18. My favourite +1

In the last three months, we have been to three weddings. The first was for David's Dad; the second for his best friend; and the third for a couple we met at university and encouraged during their engagement. All three were really special, for different reasons. It was bittersweet for the family seeing their Dad get married again; on the one hand it was a very real reminder that their Mom had passed away and was no longer there, and on the other, it was a beautiful moment to witness the gift that each A & M were to each other and how much joy they had in meeting. The boys did an outrageous speech that shall be etched into memory permanently (there's no going back!!), everyone seemed to have a great time with the dancing and catching up, and we enjoyed both spending time together in Inverness on the way up, and helping out on at the venue the day before. The second wedding was special because David saw his best friend entering the same context in which he has (hopefully!) found so much joy. He got to help by being an usher, and I boogied away on the dance floor with two girls I knew from uni and a couple of kids with serious dance moves. The third was special because we were honored by being asked to pray over their marriage during the ceremony. We were praying for them beforehand, but I really enjoyed sitting down and thinking about what specifically we wanted to ask God about for them, in a way that was also accessible to people who think talking to God is weird! We had a great time on the dance floor there, too, especially enjoying a slow dance to "You got a friend in me," which I think describes well where we are in marriage at the moment and how I pray we continue to grow.

I'll say it: I know some people find it stressful, but I love going to weddings. I love dancing, and celebrating joy and love, and talking to new people, and eating yummy cake! I find it a privilege to be invited and really look forward to the day. Interestingly, I had only been to two before our own -  and the first I only have about three seconds of memory from as I was about 5 years old, and the second was for one of his cousins - so I've not really experienced wedding attendance without him. We've been each other's steady +1, and I think that's another reason I value weddings - each ceremony is a chance to get dressed up together, to go to church and worship God, to celebrate love and the concept of marriage together, and to be reminded what it's really about. To be encouraged to pray through the difficult times, and to rely on God for everything we need. It's a chance to share a meal and practice welcoming others and relating to new people as a couple, and to dance. I do love to dance! We also get to witness a new marriage beginning, know what struggles and joys the couple may face. We commit to support them, and I do try to remember to pray for them and to check in. I hope for many more weddings with my favorite plus one, and many more chances to be reminded what this whole journey is about.